pamplona and having faced many fears

I am in Pamplona! I know some people will be thinking I am strong and courageous for doing this trip by myself. I need to tell you, and it is important: I am not. I only make it, because now and then, I hit a brick wall and break down and cry and realize that all I have to offer God is weakness and tears. That's where he meets me and gives me the joy and strength to go on. My only strength is my weakness: knowing that I have to trust God and can't do it by myself. I have to constantly deny my own futulie attempts to get by, and trust that HE will make it work... My week in Taize was beyond words. "You seem to have life changing moments every few hours" said my Australian brotherandcraphereallyhasdughisclawsintomyheart Edward. Friends are more important than life itself, because we can't love God without loving our friends, being human is OK and it is necessary to accept that I have needs and accept that I am at where I am at and the German chorus to Pippi Longstocking goes: Hey Pippi Langstrumpf, die macht was ihr gefällt. I think noone really understands the Cross, but when we let go even a little of our own workings and check out the grace of God in ways deeper than discussing Biblical words, it's as if life goes radiant, the world slows down, God is present, our eyes are opened and every piece of information is profound, be it so a Bruce Springsteen song played on the radio of an old man on a bench infront of a statue of St Franscis or the drawing of a tiny sun on a piece of garbage. So after my major God-I-can't-make-this-You'll-have-to-scrape-me-off-the-floor-breakdown (Sunday) I found a busload of Spanish nuns and students who gave me a ride (Monday) to La Jonquera in Eastern Spain. This kind of changed my plans of crossing the Pyrenees, as I found myself south of the mountains already. So I found my way to Pamplona via a night in the hotel the busload checked me into (they actually had a money collection trhoughout the bus to give me a place to sleep!!!) and a night with Miriyam (Kirby's friend I met in Dresden) in Barcelona (she stood cooking for me late at night!) and then a night in a pension in Pamplona that some nice Catholic's checked me in to! Tonight I am going to Roncevalles, about 40km north of Pamplona, to start walking back here (I know, I know, but I have to start in Roncesvalles, even though it means I will be backtracking...). I am getting my pilgrim's passsport in Roncesvalles, and I guess that means I will start walking tomorrow. I am now down to 10 Euros, which will take me by bus to Roncesvalles and give me a night there (it seems like this is a village that consists of one Church and not much else!) and from there on we will see how things go. I might not find free internet until I am back here in Pamplona again, but that shouldn't take very long... So, I only have "the easy" bit left now. I am actually getting started. I am actually walking now. I cried with joy here on a bench, in beautiful Pamplona, with washing hanging out from the windows, and flowers, and sunshine... I'm here, I am nearly in Roncesvalles, I am starting tomorrow (hopefully) and all is well.