my greatest fear
My greatest fear and my deepest longing is for God to break through with such a force that no words I say or write could explain what he has done to me.
Every human has some kind of a need for communication. Every human has a basic need to in one way or another communicate something to another being. If one does not find words one has to find another way to forward the information one wishes to communicate.
My greatest fear and my deepest longing is that I will be left trembling for words, not finding them, and instead being forced to live out what I cannot speak out. Instead of finding the words I would be forced to communicate in action what my words lack. I would be forced to love in a way no words can love. If I had met God eye to eye in a way no words can describe I could do nothing but live my entire life for him, every day wordlessly giving up my entire self for him. I would have to give up all my belongings, my time, my tiredness, my selfishness, my own ambition, to serve him in every second.
If God did to me what he says he wants to do to me blogging wouldn’t be enough. Emails wouldn’t be enough. Words wouldn’t be enough. Therefore the promises God has for me, the life he is calling me into, is my greatest fear and my deepest longing. Because I know there will come a day and it is coming soon when God has such a place in my life that no one else can understand it in any other way than by silently receiving the love I give through the work of my hands and the person I become.
I am not there. I am not close to there. I might not get there over night by a blinding light on a road outside of Damascus. But I am moving toward it. Because it is my greatest fear and my deepest longing. And no two things have such an enormous power of attraction as fear and love. What I fear the most I will be drawn to, what I love the most I cannot stay away from. Therefore I am heading straight for God’s heart.
I did drink tea. I also spent hours in the sunshine and by the altar of an old stone Church. Tea comes in many forms.
Every human has some kind of a need for communication. Every human has a basic need to in one way or another communicate something to another being. If one does not find words one has to find another way to forward the information one wishes to communicate.
My greatest fear and my deepest longing is that I will be left trembling for words, not finding them, and instead being forced to live out what I cannot speak out. Instead of finding the words I would be forced to communicate in action what my words lack. I would be forced to love in a way no words can love. If I had met God eye to eye in a way no words can describe I could do nothing but live my entire life for him, every day wordlessly giving up my entire self for him. I would have to give up all my belongings, my time, my tiredness, my selfishness, my own ambition, to serve him in every second.
If God did to me what he says he wants to do to me blogging wouldn’t be enough. Emails wouldn’t be enough. Words wouldn’t be enough. Therefore the promises God has for me, the life he is calling me into, is my greatest fear and my deepest longing. Because I know there will come a day and it is coming soon when God has such a place in my life that no one else can understand it in any other way than by silently receiving the love I give through the work of my hands and the person I become.
I am not there. I am not close to there. I might not get there over night by a blinding light on a road outside of Damascus. But I am moving toward it. Because it is my greatest fear and my deepest longing. And no two things have such an enormous power of attraction as fear and love. What I fear the most I will be drawn to, what I love the most I cannot stay away from. Therefore I am heading straight for God’s heart.
I did drink tea. I also spent hours in the sunshine and by the altar of an old stone Church. Tea comes in many forms.
posted by wild rose pilgrim at 6:07 AM
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