a place of acceptance

I am learning so much from the Camino. A very wise Canadian woman told me the other day: Remember that the Camino will give you what you need.

It does. Every day I have to receive what it gives and not keep thinking that things should be different.

"I should be praying for others."
"I only pray for others I should deal more with my own crap."
"I should read my Bible."
"I should journal more."
"I should be more silent."
"I should talk more."

I have quit doing this to myself. If I am hungry I eat. If I am sad I cry. If a prayer comes to me I pray. If it doesn't I don't. If I need to be sarcastic and pulling off fart jokes I do. If I need to be writing important messages from God in the sand to people with blisters who have important revelations to share with cancer sick strangers on the others side of the world I do.

I think we spend too much time fighting. We need to spend more time surrendering. We are part of a bigger picture and us fighting is really only a gesture of trying to be in control of a situation outside our control.

Today I placed my forehead against an old stone cross and gave up my need for answers. I guess I will have to do that daily for the rest of my life but it was the first step. I had to say it. I had it coming for the longest time... "God, I love your word and all, but it all does boil down to that I understand nada of what you are trying to say... and all is good. Because I love."

I know there are many people fighting. And I know there is a war going on. But I think there is something to be said about the way of the Camino. Be where you are, be who you are, and trust that what you need to be saying, praying and doing will come to you.

Our flesh and our fears, cannot and will not be put to death with a selfmade axe. We will only ever be free from fears, and the evil those fears make us do, by the grace of God. And that, my dear friends, is something far bigger and deeper and more impossible to comprehend than we could ever imagine. Our hearts transformation is beyond our control, all we can do is surrender and accept that we are who we are at the this moment, and that we are where we are at this moment. All our faith really is, is a hope and a trust that God will meet us right there and that all things are well.