creating monsters. finding me

I have nearly lost my voice from screaming at the top of my voice in the process of finding a suitable monster within me. Not very responsible as an actress, I know, but it was necessary. Interesting exercise. I enjoy finding monsters within me.

my miniature list of things my theatre education is about

seeing people when looking in their eyes
being one with a group
communication without words
feeling the will of the group
how would I act if I was in a situation where...?
finding, NOT ACTING, a person within me
seeing others
hearing others
being one with others

As you may guess, this is a miniscule part of my education, but maybe the essence. Learning to see others is the base for an actress. May I suggest that this is a very, very, very hard lesson?

Oh, yes, the requested news on my relationship with David. I don't have the faintest clue. If anyone has a nick for giving other people good advice, feel free, but all I know is that I love him, he has no clue if he loves me, we are good friends, but we aren't dating. We were for a while, it just felt weird 'cause he wasn't ready for it, still hurting, still doubting, and so we let it go and for now we are good friends and I am trying to figure out whether to just live my life without giving a crap about it, live my life but still hoping for it, or live my life agonizing and crying my heart out over it. Actually, the last suggestion would take to much energy from my otherwise so brilliant life, so I'll just stick to the first two.