an old friend of mine

So this old friend of mine moved in with me. To be perfectly honest with you he can be a bit of a hassle at times. He is constantly tailing me, and the problem is he upsets people with his rigid manners, and the fact that he seems a little lost at all times, as if he doesn't quite have his act together, some pieces missing, so to say. But then again, he is an old friend. I very literally held my hand around his heart as he was having a tough time, his very last tough time I am glad to say. Not much left of his heart nowadays, though, sad to say, but at least he has left all heart aches behind. He did turn a little hard and rigid though, as I said, lost his swing in a way. And the missing pieces of his, personality, bothers my family a bit. It did cause a small internal battle, but I actually had to tell him not to keep hanging on to my skirt all the time and just stay in my room out of the way of my Mum. He was a little hurt at first, with all right, because he doesn't really have another skirt to hang around, and as he no longer is attached to the ass he originally hung out with, he might feel a little lost. But I had to tell him that as much as it is nice having him tailing me some times, in the long run I won't be a good substitute for a lion's ass. I just can't live up to the swiftness, the fast moves, the strength of a young, strong lion. I just don't have the hairiness of a lion's buttocks (thank God for that!) and I just don't know the right tailswing to do it justice. No, I said, as much as I love you, dear old chopped off and stuffed Lion Tail, Remain From My School Day Practicum Days of Cutting Up Animals at Zoos, you will have to stay in my room, safely outside eyesight from more easily upset creatures. Plus, wearing you as an ornament makes walking down stairs or driving cars very complicated...